I've been sitting here for the past few minutes writing. Then I deleted it all. Realizing that I don't want to complain but I want to spread hope with my words. The past 10 days have been a whirlwind. I've realized some things about myself and things are changing. 10 days ago I lost my job. And the fear is that I don't know what is going to happen. Yet I have this peace about me that keeps me from stressing too much right now.
I've been searching for a new job for a long time. I've submitted resumes and I've gone on interviews but I just haven't found the right thing for me next. I need something that will allow me to pay my bills and yet allow me to go to school too. I'm signed up for 17 credits next semester (3 science classes and Calc 2). However will I make it through? Sure unemployment benefits is an option, but for how long and will it allow me to pay rent.
A few months ago I interviewed for a position as a Pre- School teacher at a Christian school. I knew when I submitted my resume that I probably wouldn't meet the state requirements but I went ahead an applied at the urging of a friend. I went through the whole shebang and the director wanted to hire me - like really bad. She worked hard trying to make my experience and little bit of early childhood education credits work but in the end she was unable to hire me because I didn't meet state requirements. Two nights ago, I met a woman who works at the school (we have mutual friends) and just a few moments of spending time with me she said "I know I just met you but I already like you better than the girl we hired. You'd be so much better in the position because she's so reserved and you're not."
"Don't you get it, Tamara. You're not meant to behind a desk all day - stuffed away doing odds and ends and never really interacting with anyone. No. You're meant to be with the children. To be in the schools. To be a light to children who may only live in darkness. You are meant to shine and shine bright. No one should be trying to hide you under a stone and keep you behind a desk, on the other side of the phone line. No, Beloved, You were meant to make a difference in the lives of children and their families. You are the hand they need to hold. You can't get there without working hard and staying behind a desk is not going to get you there. Let Me show you the way."
There is so much confirmation in my life about where I should be headed. You see, Satan already tried to derail my path - several times. And sometimes he reminds me of how he succeeded in keeping me from where I would be if he hadn't intervened. But he never wins. He doesn't get to keep me hidden, afraid to step out and work towards a goal. He no longer gets to keep me stagnate at a comfortable job where my heart said leave but my heart said bills.
I may not know what my entire future holds for me but I do know that I will be a teacher and my life will matter and I will make a difference. I also know that God is with me every step of the way. When I'm on the right path I know it and I was off the path for quite a while as I stayed at the job, unhappy and unfulfilled. This path may be unsteady but my foundation is firm and I follow Him anywhere.
