http://sports.yahoo.com/news/ncaaf--jerry-sandusky-delivers-one-final-hateful--haunting-response-to-his-victims.html
After reading this article about Jerry Sandusky's last days before being sentenced to spend the rest of his life in prison, I can't help but fear this is how my abuse thinks.
The author of the article makes this comment regarding the "speech" Sandusky gave before the court at his sentencing: "He wanted them to know: They'll remain his. Forever. That part of Touchdown Jerry, clad in red, remains safe and secure"
I wanted to scream because I felt it to be all too true. Even though he is behind bars and cannot physically hurt these men again, he will go with them into every day of their lives. The evil in this man doesn't allow him to see his actions for what they truly were. And he taunts his victims by telling the court how he will treasure the memories he has.
Unfortunately, the men he hurt will face their own memories and they will not be filled with happy feelings of those days by the pool and the nights away at camp. Instead they will be haunted by the images of him touching them in places they should never have been touched and the extremely mixed feelings of fear and happiness when taking part in those summer camp activities. I imagine that not every memory for the men about Sandusky are sexual which only makes the whole situation even more confusing for the young boys inside each of the survivors.
For some unknown reason to myself I compare the evil in Sandusky to the evil in my own abuser. The person who hurt me is not facing punishment for what he did and instead lives a wonderful life with my mother by his side. Yet the monster in each of them is the same: blind, evil desires to pleasure the flesh without regard to the harm they inflict upon others. They liked what they did. They enjoyed the moments they spent with young people in their beds. Whatever concern they had for the law and right vs wrong was not enough to keep them from giving into their desires and enjoying every single touch, every hug, every time they were around this young souls. The evilness inside of these men controlled their every move and every word.
My heart breaks for the Overcomers of Sandusky's actions. The court uses the word victim, counselors use the word survivor, I use the word Overcomer because there is so much more to breaking free from the horribleness of this type of abuse than just surviving. Many people stay locked up in the silent suffering but the few brave souls who testified against the evil done to them are on their way to overcoming the overwhelming darkness that haunts them and breaking free from the chains Sandusky has attempted to keep them locked into.
I wonder about all the other survivors of this man's actions and how they are doing with everything. They may not have had the strength to speak the words but the memories will continue to haunt them and Sandusky's words were meant for them as well. It was his last attempt to keep them quiet and to keep his control over them. I pray that these men are able to tell someone they trust and begin to move into Overcomer status.
The evilness in this world is beyond my understanding. I'll never understand why the families of men who do such horrible acts can stand by them and support them in their lies and deception. I'll never understand how you can give in to the evil inside yourself to commit such disgusting acts upon an innocent child. And I'll never comprehend the emotions, thoughts and actions of those who abuse children. My own experience has made me unable to believe anyone who would call the victim of their actions a liar or place blame on their victims all to avoid feeling the guilt of what they have done.
As I keep seeing more and more articles come out about the Sandusky trial and his words to the court, I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want him and my abuser to truly see the damage they have caused and to repent for what they have done, to ask forgiveness, to own up to their actions and stop behaving like little boys who got caught sneaking candy they shouldn't have. But that will never happen because of the evilness that resides in their souls keeping them trapped in their darkness of lies and deception that all is good in their world and that they are innocent in all that has been said against them.
