God Understands

Can I just say how awesometastic the God I serve is?

Seriously! He's like the most amazing being to ever have existed. His love is deep and rich. He doesn't look at your accomplishments or wordly success. He looks directly into every inch of your heart. He sees the broken pieces and His hand automatically stretches out to begin the mending process. He sees the pain that has been inflicted upon your heart and soul and immediately He takes it upon Himself. His love is so grand that it fills your heart instantly. He nevers look anywhere else, never sees what the world sees, only cherishing your heart and who He created you to be! He sees the potential, the gifts, the desire, the passion, the strength, the abilities, the love, the whole you!

I often struggle with the fact that I don't have anyone in my life that truly understands how I feel about the issues within my family. No one in my life has been cast aside by their mother (and the rest of their family) as she stays married and deeply in love with their abuser. The family that once was mine, no longer belongs to me. He took them away from me and I'll never have them back. No one in my life has walked the same path as me - not even close. No other human being has ever been able to show me the greatness that God has for me on the other side of this. I have yet to meet a person that has been abandoned much like I have and has chosen to heal with God leading their lives. It frustrates me!!! Especially when my mother tries to weasle her way back into my life with words that hold no meaning for me. It throwns me into a whirlwind for a few days - I know this about myself. It's much better than two years ago when I lived in a constant tornado of bad days. I just need someone to show me that there's a way out!

Then, I remembered something. Jesus became sin. He didn't just die for us. Oh no. He took every sin that we could ever imagine committing (and every sin that would never enter our thoughts) and literally became them. God and sin can't coexist. God turned His head away from his Son. Jesus literally was abandoned in His last moments of life. And yes, He knew it was part of the Father's will, but the human emotions that I'm sure He felt must have been utterly horrible. For the first time I believed He felt shame, possibly even disgust with Himself at what He had become. And yet, He did it because He loved us completely. More than anything, He loved those whose sin He had become.

I've wondered before if God could truly understand I feel about things. Sure, I tell Him all the time. I experience all my human emotions while holding His hand - otherwise I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation that so fills my life at moments when my boundaries are invaded. He hears my cries and catches my tears in His hands. But does He truly understand? I decided that He does. It obviously isn't exactly the same, but He experienced the emotions. And He's seen all that has happened in my life. He was there with me through it all. Keeping me from further self-destruction and other abusers that were so readily available.

He is my other half. He's my core. He's the One who knows everything about me. No one will ever know me like my God knows me. He understands me like no one else ever will. He is my heart. He is my King. All I want is to lose myself completely in His love. I love Him so much!