Transformed by Him

Excerpt from a blog back 12/07

ever wonder if its really worth it? i don't know about you but that's something i wonder all the time. and not just about life but about every aspect of life. is school really going to be worth it? is going to a special program really going to be worth it? is there something out there worth my time and effort? and will that something make a difference? will it really make the world a better place? and what about my family...is loving them inspite of everything negative they have done to me worth it? will they ever come back to Jesus? and does Jesus really want them? and what about me...he hasn't taken me yet he probably doesn't want me either...which would actually really suck because i live because he's the only thing i believe wants me to. but anyways....this whole worth it thing is driving me crazy and this phone call i need to make (again because i didn't leave a message)....is it going to be worth it? am i going to be able to stop wondering if things are worth it and just know they are? and i ever going to be able to live life like its worth it? like i'm worth it? like my future and all the people in my future are worth it? PROBABLY NOT!

It's amazing to me how God works. Can you see the desperation in my heart? I wrote this at the beginning of my application process to Mercy and was scared to make the first phone call to intake. I was so insecure and I didn't even know if I was "bad enough" to get into the program....how crazy is that? I was so lost. I couldn't see the light God had for me. I needed to know my life had value. I needed to know I was more than just a fat, depressed, eating disordered, unwanted, cutter. I needed to know there was hope. I needed to know who I truly was. And yet all I did was listen to the enemy.

Oh but how Good my God is!!!! He treats me like a queen. I am His beloved. He has plans for me that He set into motion before I ever existed...before the physical world ever existed. I came from God, to live for God, to go back to God when He calls me home. I am a person worth something. My life has meaning because God gives it meaning. He loves me unconditionally and He shines through me to the lost and hurting.

He's restored my beauty, inside and out. He's given me joy that is indescribable! He's given me FREEDOM!!!! He's healed my wounds but left the ever important scar as a reminder of His goodness and mercy! My God. Your Father. Our Protector. He does what seems impossible. He is the Perfect, Precious Lamb of God. He loves like no other. Jehovah Jireh - God my Provider (Philip 4:19). Jehovah Rohi - God my Shepherd (Psalm 23). Jehovah Tsori - the Lord my Strength (Psalm 28:7). Jehovah Gador Milchamah - The Lord Mighty in Battle (Psalm 24:8). Jehovah Go'el - The Lord my Redeemer (Isaiah 60:16).

Yes. He is my God! My Abba Father! My Help! My Comfort! My Joy! My Life! How I thank Him for all His goodness. How I admire Him for His transforming and redeeming work!