Last night after having a fairly nice day I was shocked by something that happened. As my friend and I walked from the library back to the car after our classes were over we were talking about nothing real important. Just having friendly conversation and talking about how we wish there was a coffee place open on that side of town. Then a voice comes from behind us (apparently a class had gotten out and they were all headed back to their cars in silence) and asks in a rather rude and sarcastic tone, "Can you talk any louder?"
I replied with "why yes I can. thank you....at least we're outside."
She got all huffy puffy and walked past us as the rest of her class followed behind in silence most looking at their phones. And I spent the next 10 minute drive back to my friend's house complaining, rather loudly, about how rude this girl was and wondering why she felt my conversation with my friend had any impact on her whatsoever. She was also following incredibly close to us.
10 minutes of my life was way too much time worrying about this girl. Why she felt the need to silence me when I was having a light hearted conversation with my friend is beyond me. And it got me thinking and then this girl became a teaching from my awesome God.
You see, I spent a lot of my years growing up silent. I was under the impression that what I had to say was stupid and not important. And when I finally spoke the truth about my life the people who should have believed did not thus nailing home the fact that my voice was unimportant and my life didn't matter. The enemy of my soul whispered this fact into my ear for many, many years and I began to believe it at a very young age. But through the hard work of learning to take my thoughts captive and replace them with God's truth I have learned that my voice is just as important as anyone else's voice.
It was as if the devil used this girl to try and get to me again, to silence me, to make me feel bad about speaking. The devil doesn't want me speaking, he doesn't want me typing and he definitely doesn't me thinking I have something to say or type. You see, I have a testimony of how God's heart broke for me as a child being forgotten, unloved and abused. My testimony includes the love God had for me when I was stuck in depression and incredibly suicidal. And I have a story that tells of how God reached into my depths and taught me how to live close to His heart and in His truth! The enemy of my soul doesn't like that this is my story because he wanted to keep me in depression and he wanted me to succeed in taking my own life. This demon is after my soul and he will use strangers like this girl to trick me back into his hands. Only, he doesn't succeed.
Perhaps this girl was having a rough day. Maybe she was frustrated with her class. Maybe a loved one has recently passed away and she's struggling to understand. Perhaps she was incredibly focused on whatever she was looking at on her phone and my voice was distracting her. Obviously she has a lot of growing up to do because she could have just asked me nicely to keep it down while we walked but she used a very childish and immature tone. I'm not sure what was going on in her heart and her life at that moment but I'm sure it had nothing to do with the volume of my voice (and ya'll that know me, know that I've got a loud voice that carries a little too well, but that'll come in handy when I'm a teacher). I prayed for her and then went back and enjoyed the night with my friend, watching the premier of a television show and went home and didn't think of her again until I started writing this. I hope today is better for her.
Oh the things I learn from an obvious attack of the enemy. It wasn't the girl, it was satan trying to find a way back into my heart. But the problem with that is I've got God on my side and He likes to show up and fight for and with me when stuff like that happens. For I am the daughter of the Most High King and my voice matters in this world and I will not be silenced!
No comments:
Post a Comment