I have spent some time over the past few months looking up my family history on ancestry.com. I've talked with my father a bit about the little information he knows about his parents' family and my mother already has a tree going waaay back that I was able to see.
I was lucky and actually found my biological grandfather on another user's tree and after a few emails we have decided that we are indeed related even though neither of us knew my grandfather (she is his half-sister). I have also discovered a lot of brokenness in my family's history on both sides. I guess I've always known divorce ran rampant throughout my family but seeing the physical evidence in new to me. And there appears to be a lot of secrecy and abandonment in my family's history. I can only predict that was probably a lot of worldly factors such as alcohol, lust and abuse leading to the incredible amount of brokenness in my biological line - but knowing what we know now, I'm sure there was a lot of that going on. When it comes to my Mexican roots I'm having the hardest time even finding information about my grandmother and her mother. It's like they don't exist on paper. Not even my grandmother's marriage to my step-grandfather shows up on marriage records. I have a feeling that I most likely won't discover any more information about my Mexican roots until I can hire someone or make my way down to Pennsylvania and Texas to see if the information I have is correct.
Here's what's interesting...
I see that patterns in my biological family's history. I compare what I know about the past with the current events of my family and I see how they are caught up in the cycle. Then I look at my life.
In my life I see the cycle that tried to control my life. It was there my whole life. Abandonment, alcohol, abuse in every form, depression, broken home and confusion. I lived in that mess because I didn't have a choice and the hand dealt to my family was being dealt to me at a very young age.
Today, I see something completely different. In my life there is healing, forgiveness, hope, peace in the storms and happiness. I am so incredibly grateful to my God for all the work He has done in my life. I know that He is bringing restoration to my family line through my life. It's hard to be the one that He set aside to show His mighty love through because there are things you just gotta do. You have deny the basic human instinct of belonging to the family you were born into. You have to accept what is and learn to live in the moment instead of hoping for your biological family to open up to the Truth you've known your whole life. You have to be in control of your actions and you have to grow up. Being the one that brings life back into your family tree takes a lot work but it can be done with God by your side.
I hope to one day have a family that is free from the generational bondage I was born into. I hope they can experience the fruit from all the sensationally difficult choices I've made in my life to break free. God has promised great things to me and while I choose to live in the moment of today and let Him control my future I know I am in a safe place. And when I'm old and gray haired and my race comes to a strong finish my family's new path will be one of my greatest accomplishments.
Breaking chains, breaking curses!
No comments:
Post a Comment