Thoughts of My Mother Part 2

Last week I wrote about my mother. I wrote about her as the little girl who was betrayed and abandoned by the person she needed to be perfect enough to protect her. Thinking about my mother from the perspective of her little girl, I was hurt, angry, confused and lost. Then, God began to do what only He can do....

Thoughts of my mother sadden me. A woman so broken by the world, unable to escape the darkness. Lost in a world of plastic happiness with the weight of unbearable truth on her shoulders. A forced smile upon her face and a heart with many holes.

Thoughts of my mother break my heart. A young single mother of three small children. Struggling to pay the bills and put food on the table. Walking and taking the bus to her destinations. The stress of keeping a roof over her children's heads. Working any job she could find. An ex-husband who treats her like dirt and a son with behavioral and mental difficulties. A woman without true friends to hold her up during difficult times.

Thoughts of my mother make me want to open my arms. A little girl with a father who abandoned their family. A little girl teased by her siblings and probably others. A little girls who's story is so hidden behind the forced smile. A young teen caught up in the world. A very young mother who felt she had no choice to end a pregancy. A teen trying to find her place in a great big world.

Thoughts of my mother help me understand. She has her own walls too. She needs forgiveness and compassion. She is simply a woman guarding her heart towards the things that are too painful. A woman who has yet to discover the courage within her to face the darkness and overcome with Christ. A woman who has done her best to survive the schemes of hell.

My mother: a soul on a journey.


I may not be completely unhurt by the choices made by the woman I have described, but I now see her as more than just the person who hurt me. She has become a real soul with a real story and a real desire for Christ. I may not be ready at this time in my life to begin a relationship with this woman, but I am learning to forgive her and understand the brokeness that has led to decisions she has made in her life that have affected me. I'm learning to see my mother through the eyes of God and for that I am grateful. The hurt she has caused in my life is no longer about how "bad" I am/was but about how broken her soul is. I don't know everything about this woman and where she is with Christ but I can see the love God has for her and I can feel how deeply He desires her to find the true freedom in her life. I love my mother and I desire to be the woman of God she can look to for support on her journey. One day I pray that to be the case in our relationship. Right now, I pray from afar and I forgive her for the decisions she made. I pray that she can forgive me for any hurtful things I may have said in my pain and that one day she finds the courage to face the darkness of lies and come to the light of truth.