Its been 8 years...

The last time I saw my father, we ended up getting pulled over by the cops. My sister and I sat on the ground while the cops searched his car and decided that he would not be able to drive anymore. They had us call our aunt to come pick us up and they took him to the metro station. My aunt had horrible things to say about him while talking to my mother on the phone, updating her on how much of a loser our father is.

Then we visited this family that we grew up with. The girl that was my age had a baby prematurely, so I spent time in the hospital with her and the baby girl. The family was in the midst of a divorce. The older brother was a drug addict. The younger girl, probably followed in their steps. I don't even know their knows anymore.

We went to a few movies and that was it. 7 1/2 years later, he wants to see me. I thought it was longer than that, because I honestly don't remember visiting during high school, but apparently I did. Which makes a little bit of sense considering I did see my grandmother before she died, and she was sick at the time - so I was 15 or 16, not 13 or 14 like I thought.

Tomorrow night, I will see the man who handed me over to my mother's husband without ever really looking back. He wanted that man to adopt us, so he wouldn't be responsible for us financially - not like he ever paid anyways. I will see the face that goes with my the voice on the other end of the phone every couple of months for 10 minutes. This man who abused my mother and neglected us kids. Tomorrow I will have dinner with a man who my siblings hate. Tomorrow I will sit across the table from the person who did not protect me against the evil man my mother married.

I pray the weather is good and driving is not a problem...if I have to, I know backroads from half way of my trip to meet him.

I feel so emotionally drained already and I still have counseling and haven't even seen him yet. Geez. I hope this is the right thing to do. Maybe we'll get a freak blizzard and they'll cancel on me. I wouldn't be totally disappointed with that, especially since the weekend is going to be crazy weather. Sadness has quite a hold on me lately.